nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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