It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
