the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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