You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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