there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
