Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
