Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
