Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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