return my video game
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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