she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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