In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
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