Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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