last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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