Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
