I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
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