I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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