i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
