Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
