White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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