You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
