I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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