Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
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