At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
