...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
