Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize