the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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