508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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