i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
