the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
We left the knife in your bed.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
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