Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I have aggressive nipples.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
