I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I just want nice things and good sex
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
