What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
