I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize