i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
