i just wanna soil my oats bro
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
