I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
is it fun? or sober?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
