I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
