her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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