you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
