You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
