I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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