There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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