Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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