How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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