am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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