I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize