are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
either way he was missing a nipple.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
