I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize
