My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
