I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
