2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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