Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize