Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
A bitchslap is in order.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
