Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
