i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Randomize
