thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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