Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Randomize
