I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
