can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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