I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
