I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
