You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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