Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Randomize
