I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
