Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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