I cockslap morals
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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