My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
