you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Come back. Shots need mouths.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
