She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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