That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
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