Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
