she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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