His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I want to fling myself into the sun
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize