And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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