I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
The police scanner is talking about you again....
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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