she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
