You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Buhtt sex?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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