I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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