i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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