Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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