well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
