i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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