You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
