I got chris browned last night
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
