if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
