dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
