My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Randomize
