i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
You pole danced in your parka.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize