Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
