Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
