just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
