oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
