I am puke
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
