whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
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