Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
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